From the Ashes

My mother gently stroked the back of my head as I clung to her. I was five years old again, with bloodied knees and elbows after falling while chasing Cato down a hilly sidewalk. I was ten, crying in her arms after my best friend, Sela, ditched me to hang out with her more popular friends. I was fourteen and mortified after Sully Bryant laughed at me and told all his friends after I tried to hold his hand in the lunch line at school.  

I was broken. Hurting. Confused and afraid. Just a girl who needed her mom, as I had been so many times before. And here she was. Alive.

I pulled back to look at her once more, just to be sure I wasn’t having some kind of delusion. It still didn’t seem possible that she was the person standing in the opening of the hoverjet. The leader of our nation. Emmaline’s commander. Our Greatness. 

She smiled, her hazel eyes brimming over with tears, and she took my hands in hers. A strange sound escaped my lips, something between a laugh and a sob, and it fit this indescribable mixture of emotions rolling through me quite well.

But it was only a moment before I remembered the truth of the situation. My mom was alive—and that was something to rejoice. But she was also the anonymous Supreme Leader of New America, and she couldn’t be trusted. I hurried to erect my emotion-blocking walls, but it was clumsy at best. I hadn’t been prepared for this.

Had Emmaline known? Was that why she had demanded so much practice and efficiency with my blocking? I dropped my mother’s hands and took a step back. Emmaline would still be alive if it hadn’t been for her, and it would serve me well to remember that. 

My block went up easily then. I wiped the snot from my nose and straightened my shoulders. “I’m sorry mom, this is all just such—”

“A surprise?” She grinned again, and the softness in her expression made my chest feel like it might crack. “Oh sweetheart, you have no idea how long I’ve been looking forward to this day.”

“Pardon me, my Greatness.” The crackling voice of a young man came through a speaker, and it was only then that I took a moment to note my surroundings. My mother’s hoverjet looked much like the others from the outside, but the interior was sleeker, more lush with grander furnishings, and extremely private. The pilot in the cockpit was separated from us by a glass wall, and he kept his eyes low as he addressed my mother from the other side. 

She pushed a button on the wall and answered him. “You may speak.” Her tone had morphed into something entirely different than what she’d used with me. She spoke to me like a mother. She spoke to the young pilot like his superior, rigid and formal.

“The other jets are lifting off now. Would you like me to follow them back to the Capitol, or should I give you a moment longer?”

My mother turned toward me and the corners of her eyes crinkled. “What do you say, Clare? Will you come back to the Capitol with me? There is so much we have to catch up on. I want to know everything about you, my love. I’ve missed you.”

I glanced back at the pilot through the glass window, startled once again by her abrupt change in tone. But the pilot hadn’t moved. He remained straight backed, eyes focused on the floor.

“He can’t hear us in here,” my mother added. “He can’t see us, either. You may speak freely.”

I toyed with the hem of my shirt, stiff with dried mud. I must have looked a mess, just like all the other Embers standing outside of our hoverjet. It felt selfish to leave them behind, knowing the comforts of the Capitol were awaiting me. But if it were up to me, I would stay with them. I’d rather sleep on the ground, under the stars, surviving on river water and trapped squirrels if that’s what was necessary. But that would mean leaving my mom.

“I’ll go with you.” I met her eyes, which were almost an exact reflection of my own. I knew who she was and what she’d done, but looking at her now, all I wanted to do was wrap myself in her arms and let her tell me everything would be okay. 

“Thank you.” She smiled again, and it seemed genuine. But I wouldn’t allow myself to feel too much joy. Not until I knew exactly who she had become and how I would be expected to proceed. I couldn’t look at her as my mother. For now, she would have to remain nothing more than the Supreme Leader. I double checked my block, ensuring my walls were strong against any attempts to read me. 

Then I moved closer to the partition between us and the pilot, watching as he worked the control panel after my mother instructed him to lift off. Our craft rose slowly into the air, and I could just barely make out the faces of Raf and my dad, shielding their eyes from the morning sun as they tracked us through the air. Beyond them, Emilio and Felix stood near the treeline, though they were more difficult to make out with the smoke still billowing through the woods.

“What a disaster.” My mother joined my side. “I hate to see so much destruction.”

“Me, too. A lot of lives were lost last night. But at least the war is over.”

“You can confirm that the rebel leaders were slain? We saw you eliminate Frank Dalton and his accomplice. Was Milo Johanssen also killed?”

Emmaline was so much more than just Frank’s accomplice. She didn’t have to die. And knowing what kind of relationship they’d once shared, I wondered how my mother could so flippantly refer to her as a mere accomplice to the anarchists. Maybe she never really knew Emmaline at all. 

I pulled the straps of my bag tighter around my shoulders, as though the small gesture could protect Emmaline’s memory somehow. “Yes, I can confirm that Milo was also eliminated.”

“By whom?”

I wouldn’t tell her it was Felix. I couldn’t have him associated with the Embers. It was one thing for me to go Outside and fight, but it would be entirely inappropriate for Felix to do it without direct orders from the Supreme Leadership. “By one of the Outsiders. They were fighting against the anarchists just as hard as we were. They’ve suffered as well.”

I wouldn’t try to sway her into opening the city walls to the Outsiders just yet, but I did need her to know they weren’t associated with the attacks on her people in any way. The Embers were good. One day I would prove that to her. It just wouldn’t be today.

“Very good. We can talk more about that later. Right now, you need rest.” She set a hand on my shoulder, giving a quick and gentle squeeze. “I’m proud of you. So proud.” 

I couldn’t help the smile that pulled at my lips. Oh how I’d longed to hear my mother’s voice for so many years. It still didn’t feel real. And to hear that she was proud of me tugged at my heart in a surprising way. But then again, if she’d known I was alive… if she’d seen me working in the Leadership and rising through the ranks… why hadn’t she reached out to me before now? My smile faded, and I turned back to watch my father and friends disappear below. I couldn’t see Felix at all anymore.

“Your father is still alive.” It was a statement, not a question, and I followed my mother’s gaze down to where he stood with Raf. Her expression was unreadable. I didn’t know how I should respond.

“Yes. I found him Outside.”

“Is he well?”

I faced her. “As well as he can be, considering the circumstances.”

She frowned. “He’s strong. It’s not surprising that he has survived Outside. Though I do wish it could have been different. It’s a shame he wasn’t able to see the truth.”

“And what is the truth, mom? How did you end up here?”

“Come. Let’s sit and I can tell you all about it. Would you like me to take your bag?”

My fingers clenched tightly around the straps. “No, thank you. I’ll hold onto it.” Emmaline had been very clear about me not allowing her journal to be discovered. I pictured it now at the bottom of my bag, right beside Cato’s letter that had instructed me to trust no one. If only he’d known our parents were alive and working against each other. Who do I trust now, Cato?

I buckled into my seat, working to keep my breath steady as I reenacted the same motions I’d gone through with Emmaline just a couple of hours earlier. She was really gone now… because of me. And that was exactly why I had to go through with her plan. I would take my place in the Supreme Leadership and tear the system down. I’d do it for Emmaline. And Cato. And all the other innocent people who had lost their lives in this ridiculous power play.

“Well, I’m not sure where to begin. In some ways, this was a long time coming. And in another way it all seemed to happen overnight.” 

I watched her as she spoke. It had been years since I’d last seen my mother, but everything about her was still so familiar. Her mannerisms hadn’t changed a bit, even with her new powerful role. Her left eye still closed a little more than her right eye when she smiled. She still inclined her chin and waved her hands as she spoke, as animated and alive as she’d ever been. Alive. I could just pinch myself.

“I suppose it all started when I was working back at the medical center in Morton borough. The Supreme Leader at the time sent a team to Classen City to investigate a supposed uprising in the rebel community Outside. They were worried the violence could spread to our people. And looking back now, they were right.” Her expression hardened for a moment before she continued. It was just a flicker, and then it was gone. 

“There was a man named Henrich Hale who served as the second in command to Our Greatness at the time. He was injured—attacked by the rebels, and he was brought into the medical center within inches of his life. It took quite some time to restore him to good health, and I was required to stay with him every minute that I worked. His life was very valuable. As he recovered, we began to talk. He recognized my empathic abilities very early on, and in many ways, he helped me hone them. The days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months, and we found ourselves growing close in that hospital room.”

She looked out the window, lost in a memory that I was grateful not to be a part of. I didn’t like the way she spoke of this Henrich man, in the same way I didn’t like to see my father hold Carmen. But my parents were people, too. They were just as flawed as the rest of us. I only hoped my mother never pursued anything with this man while she was in an active relationship with my father.

“Henrich said he owed me his life, and he wanted to return the favor. He warned me that Classen City would continue to grow more dangerous. He wanted me to join him in the Supreme Leadership. I didn’t want to go at first. I thought the idea was preposterous. But when Frank attacked me in our own home, it was Henrich who I called upon for help.”

“Frank was the Outsider who attacked you?” My mouth hung open. 

“He was. I didn’t understand why at the time. In fact, I never really knew why I was the target until now. You see, Madame Frasier was very skilled—one of the greatest Empaths who has ever lived. She hid her relationship with Frank from me. It wasn’t until I saw the footage from your hoverjet earlier that it all came together. Thank you, Claren. Emmaline was a poison that could have destroyed everything we stand for. I might have never known if you hadn’t taken action when it really mattered.”

She smiled again—truly grateful that I had murdered Emmaline, though I could have sworn I saw a touch of sadness behind her well-intentioned mask. And it was good for me to see that my mother was still human. I forced myself to return the smile, burying the memory of what I had done for the time being. Emmaline had dedicated her life to this cause. If she was a poison to the Supreme Leadership, I would be an explosive. I would finish what she’d started. I just hoped I might be able to save my mother before it all came crashing down.

“So what then? You just… left?”

“Oh darling, it was the most difficult thing I’d ever done. I cried every day for the week I spent in the medical center on the Capitol island. I wanted so desperately to call you and tell you that I was alright, but I couldn’t. They forbade it. But as soon as I was well, Henrich agreed to go back for you and Cato.”

“What happened?”

“Frank happened. Henrich was murdered. And I knew then that I could never go back. I had connections in Classen who would keep an eye on you. As soon as you two were old enough and mentally prepared, I would bring you to the Capitol with me, and we could work together on eliminating Frank and the Outsiders before they destroyed everything good in the world.”

“Just Cato and me?”

“Your father was too far gone, I’m afraid. He sympathized with the Outsiders. He got caught up in their affairs. And I had to wait until I knew for sure that you would make the right decisions with your life. It’s been so hard. You can not begin to imagine how much I have suffered watching and waiting. And when I thought you’d been killed, I felt like a part of me had died as well. But you’re here now. With me. And together, my darling, we can do anything. We can save our people and restore New America.”

I bristled at her words. She thought she had suffered? That she had struggled? She was busy climbing the ladder to the most powerful position in our world while Cato was murdered by her own people. And I had come close to death so many times I’d lost count. I was not only battered and bruised, but completely broken. Barely pieced back together enough to move forward at all.

And yet, hope flickered inside me as well. Because behind all the bravado sat the woman who had nursed me back to health so many times before. Could she do it again, or was I a fool to think she could still be redeemed? The one thing I knew for certain, was that she was right. Together, we would be unstoppable. Now I just had to get her on the right side.

And maybe there would still be hope for our country yet.