From the Earth

I was a horrible human being. I didn’t deserve to be in the Center. Two innocent men died at my hands. One of them was my brother. I lied to the people of Classen City. I lied to our Leadership. And I got promoted? It made no sense.

Maybe it was a trap. Maybe the Leaders were watching to see what else I knew, or who I might turn to after I was placed in a position among them. Little did they know I didn’t have anyone to turn to. I was all alone in the world. And I deserved to be alone after what I’d done. But I should have been left alone in a run-down shack near the edge, not in a gorgeous bedroom in the Center.

Yet there I was, with all the comforts I could dream of. Since no one else was going to punish me, I had to do it myself. I put myself on an indefinite self-imposed lockdown the moment Felix showed me where I’d be staying. 

Felix. It still seemed surreal that his was the first face I saw after Emmaline removed me from the Peacemaker training program. I’d expected to be transferred to the edge with the other low-level Workers. I thought I’d be performing manual labor around the outskirts of Morton borough, just another nameless face working too hard in the shadows of our city. That was what I deserved.

I never expected to be living in this lush suite in the Center. At a Senator’s house, of all places. Of course, I still hadn’t seen the Senator. As far as I could tell, it was just Felix and me here, along with more attendants and cooks than I could keep track of. 

Pfft. I rolled over on the fluffy surface of my oversized mattress, pulling my silky cream-colored sheets close to my chin as I turned to face the small painting hanging on the wall opposite my door. At least I could confirm the Outsiders were right about one thing: our Leaders in the Center definitely lived more luxurious lives than citizens outside of the Center walls. 

I was still examining the small painting when I heard a knock on the door. It must have been lunchtime. Felix had come around knocking at my door three times a day like clockwork for the entire week I’d been there. When was he going to get it? I didn’t deserve to live there. And until someone came to send me home, I was on lockdown. His mansion was not mine to enjoy.

“Claren? Are you hungry? Jean is serving up some tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches in the dining room downstairs. I saved your spot.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Felix sighed behind the thick wooden door. “Look, I…” He sighed again and twisted the knob, entering my room without an invitation.

I didn’t move. 

“Oh no. I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize you were sleeping.” He hesitated, but came and sat on the edge of my bed instead of leaving. I still didn’t move. Not for a few minutes, anyway.

Aggravated that he wasn’t getting the hint, I finally rolled onto my back and turned to face him. “Felix, I said I’m not hungry. I really just need a little bit of time—”

“You’ve had time.” His expression was set with much more confidence than he was feeling. Unfortunately for him, Felix wasn’t an Empath. He couldn’t read the emotions of others nearly as well as I could. He couldn’t hide his emotions as well either. And behind his confident exterior, he was wrung out on worry. I hadn’t noticed it from behind my door, but here in my room, on my bed, it was practically drowning me.

I didn’t need him worrying about me. I was fine. I made my decisions, and now I was paying the consequences. 

“Claren, you’ve been here for an entire week. I know that you needed some space. I know that you’re still grieving. But I can’t see you like this anymore. You’ve got to come out of this room.”

“Actually I don’t. Your attendants are taking great care of me. I’ll be fine in this room until it’s time for me to go.” It was true. They had been bringing me meals to eat in the privacy of my suite. They cleaned up my dishes and laundered my clothes. They even ran me baths a couple of times. And thank goodness, because I don’t know that I would have thought to take a bath otherwise. 

I should have stopped them. It wasn’t right to have them waiting on me, attending to my every need. But as I learned during my training, this was their livelihood. This is what they were paid to do. It would have been awfully hypocritical for me to deny them their work while fighting for mine. For the work I should have been assigned to do. 

Felix’s lips formed a tight line. Even with his features wrought with concern, it was impossible to deny what a handsome man he was. His blue eyes twinkled as he leaned in and placed the back of his hand across my forehead.

“What are you doing?” I asked, pushing his hand away. “I’m not sick.”

“No, I didn’t think you were. But that’s the only good reason I could think of for why you are still laying in this bed. Your bed. Because this is where you live. Now get up. Go take a shower. The staff needs to wash your sheets and they’ve been instructed to stop bringing your food to your room. It’s time for you to come downstairs. I’ll ask Jean to keep your plate warm until you arrive.”

And with that, he stood and left before I had a chance to refute his words. I propped myself up on my pillows against the headboard, certain I looked as dumbfounded as I felt. I didn’t see that coming. 

As soon as he disappeared through the doorway, one of his attendants came in and stood awkwardly against the wall inside my room. She fidgeted slightly, looking down at her feet.

“Hi,” I said, drawing her gaze up from her toes. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“Oh, no ma’am. Thank you though. I was just sent in to make sure you were okay and didn’t need any assistance.”

“I think I’ll be alright. You can go.”

“Well,” the young woman shifted her weight uncomfortably. She was probably only a few years older than me, but she looked as bashful as a child standing there. “I was instructed to stay until you were ready to come downstairs. Mr. Walsh has asked me to launder your bedding.”

Of course he did. This poor girl was told to stand here until I got up. Maybe I should go downstairs and let Felix know exactly how I feel about him trying to control my actions…

“I see. Well then I guess I had better get out of your way.”

The girl looked relieved. She must have expected a little more push back from me. But she wasn’t the one who needed to be pushed back and knocked down a peg or two. Felix Walsh may have been the next Senator-in-training for Classen City, but that didn’t mean I was going to let him boss me around.

One quick shower and a change of clothes later, I left my room for the first time in seven days. I’d intended to march right down those stairs and let Felix have it. I’d played the conversation out in my mind as I was getting ready, and it only fueled me up more. If he insisted on pulling me out of my room, that was fine. But he wasn’t going to like it.

The view outside my door, however, erased the well-crafted arguments completely from my mind. The anger I felt toward Felix was quickly replaced by curiosity and a touch of awe. This house was not like our houses in Morton borough. I must have been too emotionally wrecked the day he brought me here to notice. My mind was stuck on the loss of my brother, and the expanse of this mansion was too minor a detail for me to register at the time. But standing in this massive hallway now, I couldn’t help but take it all in.

From the outside, the Senator’s house looked like an apartment building. I’d seen it many times on public television when they showed footage of the Center. And all the attendants and cooks entering and leaving added to the illusion that multiple people lived here. Of course, people outside of the Center didn’t know that the Leaders had attendants. In reality, the whole apartment building was one extraordinary residence. 

The hall was lined with doors, presumably leading to other giant guest suites like the one I was staying in. Four glittering gold chandeliers hung from the tall molded ceilings—two at each end of the hallway. And in the center of the hall was a broad open balcony bookended by a double staircase curving down to the first floor below. 

It seemed like just yesterday I crashed the Outsiders’ meeting when Cato brought proof of the Leaders living more extravagantly than the rest of us. If I couldn’t believe it then, there was no denying it now. The only difference was that I was now considered a part of the Leadership, though I still wasn’t sure what that entailed. Felix and I had a lot to catch up on.

Considerably less angry than before, I made my way over to the balcony and gazed down at the wide foyer below. My hand glided down the smooth mahogany banisters as I made the descent to find my host. My planned tirade melted into a sticky puddle of questions. So many questions.

I followed the scent of warm, buttery bread and hot tomato soup to the right and paused at the entrance to the formal dining room. A solid, glossy wood table long enough to comfortably seat twenty sat in the center of the room under a crystal chandelier that hung about three feet wide. The crystals created tiny rainbows reflecting in every direction. The room was grand, but the crowd was anything but.

Felix sat alone, not at the head of the table, but in the first seat next to it. One other place setting lay across from him. Other than that, the room was empty. I wondered how often Felix sat like this, dining in solitude.

His eyes lit up as he noticed me in the doorway. “You came!” 

I crossed my arms in front of me, remembering why I was angry before. “You didn’t exactly leave me a choice.”  Though I couldn’t be as upset now, seeing him here all alone. 

I took my seat across from him, and an attendant immediately appeared carrying a tray with my lunch on it. My sandwich was cut into triangles, with hot cheddar cheese melting out from between crispy buttered toast, each piece sitting up at different angles to make the loveliest sandwich presentation I’d ever seen. Who knew grilled cheese could be so fancy? And the soup was garnished with basil and a swirl of cream across the top. Some kind of round crisp perched adorably on the side of the bowl. I picked it up and gave it a whiff. It smelled a little like the parmesan that topped our pizzas back home, only much more decadent.

Felix chuckled. “You look surprised.”

“I’ve just never seen such a simple but beautiful lunch.” I inhaled the aroma of the freshly chopped basil, and my mouth watered. Fresh herbs. Parmesan cheese. Cream. These were delicacies rarely seen outside of the Center. And to have them all at once in the same dish—for a basic lunch—was completely unheard of.

It reminded me again why I shouldn’t be there. Why all of this was unfair. It was a lie. New America preached equality for all. We had a standard wage, standard housing, equal everything. That’s what we were taught anyway. But Cato saw through it. He tried to convince me as well, but I was too stubborn to truly believe it. He died fighting for the people to discover the truth. And I let it happen.

The corners of my mouth dropped, and Felix tilted his head, studying me closely with those crystal blue eyes of his. 

“And now you’re sad again. I swear, Claren. I would pay big money for the chance to see what goes on inside that mind of yours.”

I met his gaze. “I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.” I knocked the crisp into my soup with my spoon and broke it with a loud crunch. 

Felix looked pained across from me. He took a few bites of his meal before speaking again, as though he was trying to determine what to say next. “Well I’m happy to have you here with me. I’ve actually been wanting to talk to you for a while now—even since before Frank’s trial.”

Frank’s trial, where my brother was shot and killed before my eyes. Suddenly my soup became too difficult to swallow. I closed my eyes and willed the sadness away. I was no stranger to grief, but mixed with guilt it was too much to bear at times.

“Claren?” Felix set his spoon down and reached a hand across the table. “I wish you would talk to me. I might be able to help.”

“I’m good,” I lied. “Go on. What have you been wanting to discuss?”

Felix frowned. “Well as I said when I picked you up last week, I requested your transfer from the Peacemaker training into Leadership training with me. I’ve been tasked with establishing an inner circle of advisors for when I become Senator, and I want you on my team.”

“Seems a little early to pull people into your inner circle, doesn’t it? Your father has a good ten years left in his position.”

“He doesn’t, actually. There is a shift happening within the District Leadership, and he will be moving into a new position within the Supreme Leadership next year. Which means my new role will begin much sooner than anticipated.”

“Wow. Congratulations, I guess. But I hate to say I think you’re off to a pretty rough start if you’re asking me to join your inner circle. I am not a Leader, and I offer no value to your position.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.” Felix smiled, regaining enthusiasm. “I know the last few weeks have been some of the worst of your life. But the strength you’ve shown has been astounding. And through it all, Classen City has been watching. And they love you. The transition will be difficult for them. My father is well-loved, and I have no experience. But if they see a strong inner circle guiding me, they will be pleased. And you, Claren Greenwood, are the epitome of strong.”

“So you’re using me to boost your own reputation? And you never even thought to ask how I would feel about it?” I pushed my chair away from the table and stood, no longer hungry. “I understand now. And what if I refuse? What if I don’t want to work in Leadership? What if I don’t trust them? What if they can’t trust me?”

Felix stood as well, looking panicked from side to side. “Quiet!” I could barely hear him but his expression was screaming. With his voice still low he added, “you’re one of the only people I can trust.”

I opened my mouth to find out what he meant by that, but he softly shook his head, his eyes imploring me to stay quiet. Felix was hiding something.

“You’ll stay,” he said a little louder, leaving me no room to object. “And I hope I can show you your value over the coming weeks. Thank you for dining with me. I’ll have Tamara bring up some clothes for you to wear to your first Leadership meeting tomorrow. We’ll leave at eight o’clock sharp. I’ll meet you in the foyer after breakfast.”

He was already walking out of the room before he’d finished his instructions, and I was left standing alone, wondering what I had gotten myself into.