From the Embers

Hands balled into fists at my sides, feet primed and in position, I was ready to run. I would sprint over the hills. Zig and zag past the trees. I’d swim up the river if I had to, as long as it took me far away from this place. 

I didn’t know exactly where to go, but I knew I wasn’t going to stay here.

“Claren, don’t be rash.” Raf pleaded with me again, his dark eyes like open expanses, full of depth. Full of concern. Always pulling me in. 

I hated the way I was drawn to him. Even now, angry as I was, there was a part of me that wanted to forgive him. I wanted to pretend I didn’t just see him standing happily with his beautiful spouse match. I wanted to pretend he felt the same way about me that I felt about him. But it just wasn’t true. 

“I’m not being rash.” My words sounded as bitter as I felt. “But there’s nothing for me here. I need to get away.” I turned and started for the forest at the edge of the camp. 

The other Embers, both those who had been with the cause for some time and those who had just joined the movement, chatted cheerfully across the clearing, blissfully unaware of the turmoil churning inside me. 

That morning I strode proudly into the camp, ready to join them. Those who knew better told me not to—James, Felix, and even my dad. They all urged me to stay in the Center. But the truth was there was nothing left for me in the city either. I was a misfit—neither meant for the Embers nor the Center. Not a rebel. Not a Leader. Just no one. Alone.

“At least let me help you get back to the city.” Raf caught up to me and placed a warm hand on my arm, turning me back to face him. “I can drive you into town, and we’ll figure out what comes next.”

“I don’t need your help, Raf. I told you. I’m going away.”

A flock of birds erupted from the treeline in the distance, drawing Raf’s eyes away for a moment. I used his brief lapse of attention on me to wrench my arm away and keep moving toward the trees. It had taken about thirty minutes by car to get here. If I wanted any chance of walking back to the city before nightfall, I needed to get moving. 

“Please don’t do this,” he called out as I began my retreat.

I raised a single hand in the air, not looking over my shoulder. I couldn’t face him again. It still hurt to see his face and imagine him with her. Marissa. 

“Goodbye, Raf.”

He groaned, and the crunching of leaves under his feet as he jogged back to the camp brought me a bittersweet satisfaction. I hated to say goodbye. Selfishly, I wanted to be the girl by his side, fighting for the Ember Society. But deep down, I couldn’t say that I was surprised. I knew he was matched back in the city, and Dax had warned me that he was still with her. 

I knew it. I just didn’t want to believe it.

None of that mattered anymore though. I was off to new places. It stung that my dad urged me to go back to the city, but his insistence had to mean something. Obviously there was still work to be done there. Whatever Emmaline’s offer entailed, it was really the only option on the table for me.

My pace quickened as I stepped through the tree cover. Out of sight of the Embers back at camp, I no longer had the need to keep my emotions in check. I set them free, allowing my legs to pump hard as they pushed me over fallen logs and overgrown brush. I leapt and ran faster, dodging unruly branches and vines that scraped against my jacket as I pushed my way through. 

I ran until my muscles ached and my breathing was jagged. My face was wet with tears I didn’t realize had escaped. I couldn’t hold them back anymore. Succumbing to my own self-pity party, I leaned against an old oak and allowed my body to slump to the ground, giving my muscles time to recover and my eyes the freedom they needed to empty the wells inside.

I didn’t intend to stay there long. I just needed to get it out of my system. I had to clear my head with the cleansing power of a good hard cry, but even that seemed too much to ask of the world. Just minutes after I’d sat on the forest floor, the rumble of an engine cut through the trees, disrupting my little sad-fest. 

I choked out one final sob and wiped the tears and snot from my face. Pulling my knees up under me, I moved into a squatting position, listening and waiting to see who was coming my way. The engine noise grew louder and louder until it stopped just a few yards away on an overgrown path through the trees. 

I knew it was Raf before I saw him. I could feel his presence. I hadn’t realized how much my skills as an Empath had grown over the last several months since I’d begun using them more often. But there was no denying it now. I could feel Raf’s concern for me as though it had its own texture. Or maybe it was more of a harmony I heard, unique only to him and meant just for me. I couldn’t explain it really, but our connection was strong. It was definitely him.

“Claren!” Raf’s voice called out to me clear and loud. 

I silently cursed to myself. He could feel me just as easily as I could feel him. Why did he follow me? I told him I wanted to go alone.

“Claren, I know you’re here. Let me drive you back to the city. Please. I just want you to be safe.”

  I didn’t need him to keep me safe any more. It was time for me to learn how to take care of myself. Didn’t he realize how much it hurt me to look at him now that I knew he was with Marissa? 

I swallowed a lump in my throat and shook it off. I shouldn’t have been crying in the woods over some boy. I needed to pick myself back up and move forward. I didn’t need Raf to do good work for the Embers. I could do it on my own. And I didn’t need my dad. I didn’t even need Felix. I’d been offered an opportunity to rise above them all in the District Leadership. That was my lot. That was my purpose. I’d break the system down from the inside.

I straightened my shoulders and lifted my chin with new resolve right before Raf stepped into view from behind my tree.

“I have to admit, you made it way farther than I exp— what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

I must’ve been a mess. Dried leaves tangled in my hair, puffy eyes, a blotchy nose and cheeks… Raf’s grin was replaced with panic as soon as he laid eyes on me. He quickly dropped to my side and reached for my hand, but I scooted out of his reach and stood.

“I’m fine. I was just resting.”

He stood as well, silently appraising me. His brows slowly pulled down over his stormy eyes, but he didn’t mention my appearance. 

“Come on,” he said, reaching for my hand once again. “I’m gonna give you a ride.”

It wasn’t an offer. It was a command. And frankly, I was tired of people telling me what to do. I ignored him, marching forward to the road I knew lay just ahead.

“Why are you being difficult?” He didn’t attempt to hide his frustration as he scurried to catch up to me. 

I stopped and turned in place, feeling the heat rising in my cheeks. “Oh, I’m being difficult now?”

I stepped toward him and he squared up his shoulders, preparing himself for whatever kind of attack he thought I might deliver. 

“I came here today because I didn’t know where else to go. I’m tired of working with those snakes in the Center, Raf. I wanted to go home, and this is as close to home as I can get right now. So imagine my surprise when my dad turned me away again. And then you—”

I dropped my accusing finger, unsure of how to finish. The truth was, he didn’t do anything wrong. We weren’t anything to each other. Not officially anyway. 

I looked away and caught my breath before continuing. “You have other responsibilities now.” 

Raf’s expression softened, and my stomach flipped as he took a cautious step toward me. “I’m sorry it didn’t go well with your dad.”

I sniffled, fighting the pressure that was building up again behind my eyes. “It’s fine. He hasn’t really been a part of my life for a few years. I don’t know why I expected that to change now.”

“I have,” Raf said, moving closer to me yet again. “I’ve been a part of your life. And I’d still like to be, if you’ll have me.”

I put up a hand to block him from coming any closer. I could feel the warmth radiating off his chest with my fingertips. 

“No. You have Marissa now. And I have to go.” I looked away, afraid that if I stared into his eyes any longer I’d completely lose it again. I had to change the subject. “I’ve been offered another position with the District.”

“The District? I thought you said you didn’t know where you were going.”

“I don’t. Not exactly. I don’t know what kind of work I’ll be doing. I just know that I have to leave Classen City.”

“Well then I’ll come with you.” 

I snapped my eyes back to him. Was he serious right now?

“I already told Frank I was taking you back to the city,” he continued. “I’ll call him when we get there and let him know I’m leaving too.”

He stepped forward again, taking my elbows in the palms of his hands and pulling me close. But I kept my hand in front of me, pressed against his chest to give me room to breathe. I couldn’t think straight when he was so close to me. Our feelings became one tangled mess of emotion when we were this close, and I had a hard time deciphering what I was feeling from what he was feeling. I pushed myself away again. I had to think.

“Raf, stop. Please. I’m trying to be strong and do the right thing here, but you’re not making this easy on me. I have to go, and you have to stay. The Embers need you here. Your wife needs you here.”

“My wife? Claren, what are you talking about?”

“I know about Marissa. Dax told me all about it. And I saw you two back there. You don’t have to pretend. I can handle the truth.” I raised my chin again, thinking if I maintained a look of strength on the outside, I might just feel it on the inside too.

“I told you that wasn’t what it looked like. There is a serious misunderstanding here—”

“It doesn’t matter,” I interrupted. “Not anymore. You can take me back to the city if you’d like, but then I’ve got to say goodbye. For good this time.”

Raf opened his mouth to object, but he was cut short by a low rumble in the distance. He instinctively dropped a few inches lower behind the brush, pulling me with him. 

“Shh,” he whispered. “Follow me.”

Together we inched closer to the main road, the rumble growing louder and louder with every passing second. We were nearly there when the rumble rushed past us with a whoosh and a roar. Two flashes of black flew down the road before us, sending my heart into a frantic beat against the inside of my ribs.

“What was that?” I whispered back to Raf. He was still supporting my arm, but I realized I was holding onto him just as tightly, with his jacket clenched in my fist. 

“I’m not sure. But it looks like they stopped.”

I followed his gaze up the road to the top of a gradual hill. Atop the hill sat two black motorcycles. I recognized them from pictures from before the Great War, but they were peculiarly out of place in our world. Yet, it wasn’t the motorcycles that set off my alarms. It was something about the men who rode them. 

The men were too far away for me to hear them, but I could see them from our position behind the bushes. They were dressed in full black, from the tips of their toes right up to the shiny helmets on their heads. And something about the sight of them twisted my stomach. 

These were not good men.

The shorter of the two walked close to the trees near where they stood and gestured in the direction of the Ember camp Raf and I had just left. The taller man turned to examine the area as well, before lifting his arm to point at something in the woods. As he did, the collar of his black jacket fell open just enough to reveal a thin blue band flush against the skin of his neck.  

“Who are they?” I asked.

“I have no idea. I’ve never seen anything like that before.” Raf turned to face me, and the look in his eyes matched the way I felt perfectly. 

Something was very wrong about this.